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  1. #1
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    Wink Secret document reveals why BMW drivers are asshats

    leaked document has revealed that the asshattery of BMW drivers may be more than coincidence. Failing to use turn signals, cutting off other drivers, tailgating, flipping the bird and other affronts to road civility have become indelibly associated with the Bavarian Marque. Why? According to the document, it's all part of a totally illegal customer loyalty scheme.
    This template document, issued to all BMW dealers (click the image below to expand), comes to us from an anonymous informant known only as "The Whistleblower." It clearly outlines a list of driving behaviors, recorded on the black boxes that have been standard on all new BMWs for several years now and translated into points.
    Accumulated points can then be traded for the kind of fabulous prizes middle management Bimmer drivers most covet, such as anger management classes and male botox injections.

    Click here to enlarge
    Publishing this document may prove somewhat controversial. While it's our mandate as journalists to seek truthiness, automakers like BMW have long considered customer loyalty programs such as HPDP to be sacrosanct, issuing edicts that access to press vehicle would be denied to any publication that dared bring them to light.
    VW famously issued a lifetime ban to British motoring publication Car when it revealed that CC customers were being offered free vasectomies in an effort to keep the four-seater's appeal fresh.
    BMW has long been reluctant to aid law enforcement officials in the recovery of black box data post-accident, instead insisting that the data being collected is "not accurate enough to reconstruct crash scenarios." Could it simply be that they were wiping evidence of HPDP before it could be used as evidence? That now seems completely likely.

  2. #2
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    I'm a douche to bmw drivers from my honda, so it balances out.
    Click here to enlarge

  3. #3
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    LMFAO, this ones a freebie. classic.
    Burger Motorsports
    Home of the Worlds fastest N20s, N54s, N55s, S55s, N63s, and S63s!

    It is the sole responsibility of the purchaser and installer of any BMS part to employ the correct installation techniques required to ensure the proper operation of BMS parts, and BMS disclaims any and all liability for any part failure due to improper installation or use. It is the sole responsibility of the customer to verify that the use of their vehicle and items purchased comply with federal, state and local regulations. BMS claims no legal federal, state or local certification concerning pollution controlled motor vehicles or mandated emissions requirements. BMS products labeled for use only in competition racing vehicles may only be used on competition racing vehicles operated exclusively on a closed course in conjunction with a sanctioned racing event, in accordance with all federal and state laws, and may never be operated on public roads/highways. Please click here for more information on legal requirements related to use of BMS parts.

  4. #4
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    Just want my car back so I can go for the high score.

  5. #5
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    I drive like a normal person should. Always use signals, seatbelt, and drive safely although quickly and aggressively. No tailgating and no unnecessary lane changing. Only speed on the highway when there's no traffic or cops. Never above 130 mph Click here to enlarge
    Not an asshat

  6. #6
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    Yes Reputation No
    Click here to enlarge Originally Posted by e92 Click here to enlarge
    I drive like a normal person should. Always use signals, seatbelt, and drive safely although quickly and aggressively. No tailgating and no unnecessary lane changing. Only speed on the highway when there's no traffic or cops. Never above 130 mph Click here to enlarge
    Not an asshat
    Thx for reassuring that =D

  7. #7
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    it's all about the high score...
    Some people live long, meaningful lives.

    Other people eat shit and die.

    I'm not racist, I hate everybody equally; especially fat people.


    Click here to enlarge

  8. #8
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    always going for that high score
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